uphill invisible swimming ~ movement 6

uphill invisible swimming consists of self-portraiture taken in mid-October of 2010 in Norway, Maine, on an acreage established in 1814. 

copyright 2010-forever, 
kelly shaw willman.

uphill invisible swimming ~ movement 5

today is June 3, 2023- i've decided to take some of the photos down from this movement. i fully stand behind my work, but am making an effort to better protect some of my more intimate/vulnerable intellectual and creative property. i am happy to store all images in the privacy of my personal archives- i am likely to share them in gallery settings vs. online. 

these photographs are part of a performance project titled,
uphill invisible swimming.
this project will contain a total of 8 movements.
(what you see here is movement 5)

these fotos = KELLY SHAW WILLMAN,
COPYRIGHT 2010-forever.

(fotos taken by Samantha Marie)

xo,   * ksw * *

new art: Nicky Endres!!

say hello to my Nicky!!

Nicky Endres surprised me this morning
with a portrait!!
They have created
many
many
many
images for me over the years!!

artist's interview: DOUGLAS DETRICK

sunshine party on the Oregon Coast ~

Douglas & kelly shaw post-show in Eugene

Douglas + yummy lady = love party!

Douglas Detrick holds a Master’s of Music from the University of Oregon, where he served two years as a graduate teaching fellow. He also holds a Bachelor’s of Music degree in trumpet performance with jazz emphasis from Lawrence University of Appleton, WI. He currently resides in Eugene, Oregon, where he works as a freelance composer, performer, educator, copyist and transcriber. Detrick is a co-founder of the Detrick/Swigart Jazz Orchestra, now known as the Eugene Jazz Composer’s Orchestra, an 18-piece big band dedicated to the performance of new music by Douglas Detrick, David Swigart and Justin Morell. He is also a volunteer board member of the Willamette Jazz Society, and is in charge of booking groups for the Society’s performance space and gallery, The Jazz Station, one of a few live music performance spaces in Eugene, OR where the emphasis is on creativity.

kelly shaw willman would like to add that Mr. Detrick is one of the kindest, humblest, busy-est, wonderful-est, poet-like, Buddhist-like creators. what a lovely human. my deepest thanks is extended to Douglas for giving such thought and energy to this interview, truly.

1. my friend, Douglas. cool interview you’ve launched with Brian McWhorter ~ just wanted to squeeze that compliment in there. i recently interviewed a professor from my undergrad days (Rob Neilson) and think both he and McWhorter have pearls of wisdom that we fledglings soak right on up, eh? … now, talk to me first about how your parents initially reacted when you told them you wanted to make your living as a musician. where do y’all stand on this today?

Glad you read the interview and enjoyed it. Brian is a great teacher and a great inspiration to me and to so many others. I like interviews because the things people have to say never cease to surprise me. No matter how well you know a person, talking with someone at length about a subject that they hold dear always turns up new ground, usually for both people. I found that Brian was thinking new thoughts while we were talking, even about things that he had already thought about. I’m hoping to do more interviews like that one. The next interview, that I’ve done, but not transcribed, is with Jeff Kaiser, a trumpet and laptop player. He’s done tons of creative work, but also has done a serious (as in doctoral) study of the DIY creative music scene. I won’t say any more, because he said lots of interesting things in the interview and I don’t want to spoil it!

Anyway, about my parents and my family and music. My parents are really supportive and I’m very lucky to have parents like them. After an initial period of struggle, I’ve found that they really want me to follow this path and make it happen. I think they understand that music, and a life in the arts, has really chosen me, and I think they’ve come to understand that I won’t be happy doing anything else and that this is the best work that I can do. I’m the only artist in my immediate family. I do have a cousin, Kristina Arnold, who is a visual artist, and teaches art at Western Kentucky University. She’s great, and I used photos of some of her work on my first album cover. Other than her though, my family isn’t used to the artistic lifestyle. I often do creative work for free, and they are a bit uncomfortable with this. They think I do good work, and so they are, understandably, not happy to see me getting paid little or nothing for doing it. But, of course, they see the value of the music beyond the money, so, all in all, they are supportive, proud, and everything I could hope for from my parents.

check out the work of Douglas' cousin HERE.

This is an interesting question, as it really touches on the personal issues that can influence someone’s work. When I look at artists who I really like and learn more about their lives, I’m often surprised by the personal circumstances that came into play. For instance, a favorite composer of mine, Morton Feldman grew up, I believe, in a house or an apartment in New York, in Brooklyn I think, with parents who rarely spoke to each other. So, he was very used to silence, where some people, perhaps, are more used to sound. If you listen to his music, I think this comes across in a certain way, though you wouldn’t have to know about his biography in order to hear the comfort with very sparse sound and silence. It's not really possible to say exactly what this meant to him as he grew into a composer and over his whole career as a composer, but he does cite it as an influential factor in his life. Another thing he said was that he could have been as good as Beethoven if only he had a comfortable chair! I’m sure I’m quoting him incorrectly, but these are things that he talked about and thought about. To him the paper, the pen, the piano, the time of day and other things that I’m sure he never got around to identifying were important to his work. All of these personal things mix together in someone’s work, and family can be a huge influence.

For me family life was influential as well: I picked up the trumpet first because I heard my sister play in middle school band. She played flute and piano. She didn’t want me to play the trumpet because she said I’d get “trumpet lips” which were obviously very unattractive. Eventually she was okay with the trumpet.

One other thing about my parents is that I often play the "Guess what music Mom will like" game. I buy an album that I think both my Mom and I will actually like. Usually I lose the game. Recently though, I bought her an album she really liked. That was gratifying, because I liked the album too. It was Hey Marseille’s album "To Travels and Trunks". My Mom and Dad also usually tell me very specifically what they did and didn’t like about something they heard, my music included. They both took some music lessons as kids, more my Mom than Dad, so neither has much musical training. So, they often offer me their perspective, that of smart people with "untrained ears." I’ve come to appreciate their comments because they keep me in touch with what most people are actually hearing. People who aren’t involved in music all the time… you know, "real" people.

for Douglas' interview with Brian McWhorter,
check out the link HERE.

2. i admire the commitment you’ve made to the arts. you’ve had lots of cool things happen, from compositions receiving awards … to playing out all over the place … i mean damn, NYC’s, The Stone? share with those of us new to "Douglas Detrick" some of your creative highlights and accomplishments.

Yes, I’ve had some great successes recently. The Stone was a huge honor and a huge thrill. I played there with my chamber group, AnyWhen Ensemble. I’m extremely proud of this group, and I’m really happy that it came together. It’s definitely the best thing I’ve ever done. We’re planning another tour of the west coast in the winter including a gig on a festival in Seattle, the "Is That Jazz" Festival. I’ll be writing some new music for that tour and hopefully we’ll be able to spend a little bit of time in the studio recording the new stuff. I’m trying to release a series of short recordings with that group in the next few years. We are spread around the country, so I try to work the group really hard when we’re together and get as much done as possible. That band is really amazing to work with. They are really talented players and I’m constantly amazed by what they can do, and honored by the care and attention they give to my music. I’m hoping to do a lot more work with that group. I’ll have to keep you posted on that as it comes out.

The only other thing I thought of when I read this question the first time is that I feel like I really need to be doing more work. I feel like I need to push myself to produce more work and produce it at the highest level that I can. This is a bit weird because I do push myself. I do work hard. But, I do feel that I could be doing more. The problem is that this idea comes from looking at the work of other composers, like I need to compete in some way. So, it gets me into trouble. I start to set unrealistic goals for myself, then wear myself down trying to meet them, then get burnt out and not work for a while. So, I think whats needed is really a balance: I need to push myself to keep working, but I also need to work on a human schedule, or at least a schedule compatible with my particular style of humanity. It’s a challenge because I really love to work, and create something new. So, this balance is a tough issue.

3. riddle me this, batman. grad school was like, fill-in-the-blank.

Grad school was like totally weird. I was very lucky and got a full assistantship where I taught and assisted in several courses in exchange for my tuition. It was a great experience. Really life-changing. The reason I say "weird" is because I felt like I was in a dream most of the time. Few people don’t get to run around doing only (or at least mostly only) what they love, and grad school was that kind of time for me. I was lucky though, not everyone is so fortunate.

Studying trumpet with Brian McWhorter was an incredible experience. He opened my head up to so many new kinds of expression that it really changed my life. When I started working with him the trumpet felt like a barrier. The instrument was standing in the way of my music, not helping me express it. The biggest thing that happened was that he heard in my playing what my natural inclinations were ~ how I played the horn ... and he enabled me to make music using that sound, and not someone else’s. It's hard to describe, but it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I was able to value the things I did well, and while I could still work on these other things that trumpet players are supposed to be able to do, I was soon able to hear what I did on the trumpet as valid, even thought it was unconventional. I still work on playing the trumpet in a conventional way, because I do make some of my income from performing conventional music, but I really was able to move fully into playing my own music in grad school. It was a great time, kind of like going to summer camp for two years.

4. poetry. Robert Creeley. you write, Douglas. you read it. does poetry influence your musical endeavors?

Poetry hasn’t come into my life as directly as it used to. I haven’t been writing as much as I used to, though I’ve felt the desire to write again bumping around in my head. I’ve been working on ways to integrate poetry and music, but I haven’t had any real successes. I have had some success working with other poets though. Our work together with Blob! The Band I thought was really great. This was a hard-to-describe project Kelly and I did at Lawrence University. It was electronica-inspired jazz fusion group. If anyone is curious to hear this band, our only recordings are posted on myspace. That particular project worked out really well. Your poetry turned out to be a great beginning place for the project. It’s too bad we didn’t get to play any more than a few times. That group was pretty typical of the way I work: I had a gig coming up in a month or so and my regular group couldn’t do it. So, instead of finding subs or playing standard material with a pick-up group I wrote 45 minutes of new music and started a new band. We ended up playing three gigs only. It was fun while it lasted.

Anyway: poetry. Robert Creeley is a big influence. His poetry and many of the interviews he’s done have been really inspiring. I’ve also been re-reading Whitman recently. William Carlos Williams is a favorite of mine. Cole Swenson is also inspiring. What I like about these poets is how they move. I think they all move from one thing to the next in an engaging way. They float, or they jump or they fall in different directions, but they always bring a new idea into focus. This idea of "how to move?" has been on my mind a lot recently. The last big project I did, "Rivers Music" for the AnyWhen Ensemble was born in this idea. How do rivers move? I feel that it tells us something about ourselves, and thinking about music in this way brings something new into focus for me.

5. so, new horizons! engagement to a hot little lady. moving soon to New York City. how are you feeling about these things? what is life like in your world these days?

My fiancé Jenny is incredible. I’m very lucky to have found her. She treats me like a million bucks and I do the same for her. Life is good, I’m very lucky. Life for me right now is a more or less continual attempt to balance all the things that I’d like to do, like having a meaningful relationship, creating the best art that I can, and being involved in the musical community around me as a documenter through my blog, and as an audience member; and things that I need to do, like whatever it is that I have to do to make enough money. I’m always happy when this latter category involves making music, though I’m open to the idea of maybe moving into a different career path that isn’t musically involved. Right now I’m giving it a go as a full-time musician, or at least I will when I get to NYC. It will be interesting. I’m excited to see what will happen.

6. you’re a native to Oregon, a state that won my heart when i visited some years ago. do you have any concerns about leaving this clean quiet place for NYC?

I was actually born in New Jersey! Weird, huh? Whenever I run into someone from Jersey, I can see that my upbringing in Oregon, from the time I was about 5, has made me soft! Or maybe just green behind the ears. I’m a Northwesterner for sure. I will miss Oregon dearly, as it is such a beautiful place and I have lots of family and great friends here. I’m moving to New York because I want to put myself into a situation where the bar is really high. NYC is full of great musicians who are really pushing and working at a very high level. I feel that living in this environment will help me to achieve things.

I don’t believe that NYC is the only place, though. I’ve heard fantastic musicians even in Eugene, which most people consider to be a small, sleepy town. (It is and isn’t… but that’s another subject entirely.) The big difference is that there is very little depth to the scene here, even with all of the great players here, and in nyc there is a never-ending supply of great artists. So, I hope that nyc will push me to create at the highest level that I can. New York really can force this on you, because the demands it places on you financially are immense, so one really has to rise to the challenge. This is all my opinion as an outsider, and I don’t know really know what life there is like, so, I guess I’m looking to experience the city and see what my "New York" story will be like.

I see NYC like a big, bright light. The question is, will it let me in? Or will I just bounce off it like a moth? tink ….. tink ….. tink ….. I’m optimistic though ~ I’m very excited to go there and try to make things happen. I don’t mean to be over-dramatic about it, I just have a sense of adventure about it.

7. we’ve connected over our mutual interest in Buddhist thought and meditation. how does your reading about and participation in this aforementioned realm influence your general well-being? and also, your creativity.

Buddhism has been a journey for me, like it is for anyone who gets involved in it, I’d guess. I find that Buddhism, in every way, from the content of its ideas, to the physicality of the practice itself, (in whatever form that takes for different people,) forces the practitioner to address the full spectrum of reality in a way that most of us don’t. In meditation we are forced to sit and simply observe our own minds. It can be excruciating! Though, I think the reality of this kind of practice can yield up beautiful treasures with some effort. That being said, my commitment to meditation has been fleeting. I’m not really ashamed of this; I feel its part of the practice. Every time I recommit to meditation I do it from a new place, a different body, a different mind, so it can be enlightening just to look at my own personal history in this regard. (Each time) I can look and see the motivations for meditation, just as I can see the motivations for stopping. Awareness is the ultimate goal, so in this respect, the awareness of both types of motivations are valuable.

As far as creativity goes, I’ve long been attracted to many of the artistic practices associated with Zen. Examples are shakuhachi playing, archery, haiku, zen painting, the tea ceremony, calligraphy… there are many. What I find inspirational is that these practices are focused on the act of creating more than the end result. Zen monks were attracted to the shakuhachi as a method of increasing their ability to concentrate. Traditionally the instrument is thought of as a tool for broadening one’s meditation practice first, and as musical instrument second. The idea is to help the practitioner experience this state of no-thinking. The idea is that it is in this state that we humans are closest to our true nature. I feel that I get a glimpse of this state when I am playing my best. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it has kept me going. I have felt in these times that I briefly experienced a different state of consciousness. I can’t really describe it any more than that, but I can see that its markedly different that my "normal" state of being. So, in creativity, I’m striving to forget about the difference between music and being human. Not to eliminate it, or transcend it, just to forget about it, like it never existed.

I don’t mean this in a careless way, though. I believe in the idea that I can actually change the world for the people in the room with me when I play, and that is a good thing. It’s my own small version of the boddhisatva vow: to try to become enlightened for the good of all beings. This is an idea from Buddhism that is continually important to me and it’s an incredibly important idea that I take very, very seriously.

8. let’s talk favorites: fruit. vegetable. dessert. animal. plant. body of water. beer. american coin. type of jelly. candy. bread. breakfast item. and instrument besides the trumpet.


fruit
this peach is heavy
of sweet juice


vegetable
sweet corn is still warm from
the sun


animal
one time I found a bird
in my house I let
it go lost it in the sunlight


plant
in a close group
trees bend their foreheads together
a congregation
litany


body of water
anywhere sun
light moonlight
reflect and pain
the backs of your eyes


beer
sit
down
let’s
talk
now


coin
what this country
needs is a good five-cent nickel
I read somewhere


jelly
apple cider
apple picker
apple tree
apple jelly


candy
one dollar bought
a candy egg


bread
we make flour from crushed seeds
the bread is as much air as it is sunlight and water
bring the loaf to the front of the oven from the back


breakfast
coffee:
sit d
own
let’s t
alk n
ow


musical instrument
what is a violin
when we
call it a
fiddle?


9. tell we kiddies what concise advice you have for young artists.

Don’t be afraid. I feel like this is the most valuable advice I can offer. I mean this in the following ways: Don’t be afraid to make your art the way you imagine it; Don’t be afraid to disregard advice from teachers, "accepted wisdom", etc.; Don’t be afraid to accept advice from teachers, "accepted wisdom", etc.; Don’t be afraid to believe in your work; Don’t be afraid to value your work, both spiritually and monetarily; Don’t be afraid to be realistic; Don’t be afraid to be optimistic. One should notice there are a lot of seemingly contradictory things in there. I’ve found that that’s the way life is, and the life of an artist is no different. We go one way for a while, then we turn around. Anything can happen, and it probably will. All we can do is make a decision and move forward.

10. you are on a boat for one afternoon with Thich Nhat Hahn, Janis joplin, and a kangaroo. what goes down? you’re on a lake in Vermont if that helps.

All I can imagine in this scene is lot of rocking and a lot of smiling. Lots of smiling.

11. let’s talk influence. who inspires? what are your aspirations for the near future? … and how about a few sentences that sum up your philosophy on livin this life.

I’ll just list the first few that come to mind: Thich Nhat Hahn is one. This man is focused, positive and creative, and he’s a great inspiration to me. I hope I could study with him sometime. My friends are also a great source of inspiration to me. We had a "Eugene Reunion" this week because many old friends who moved were in town to teach at a jazz camp here. Many of us have moved on, and more will be moving on soon. So, the great community that I have here in Eugene is about to come to an end in a certain way. Not completely, but it won’t ever be the same.

Some musicians that inspire me and whose work I follow are: Brian McWhorter, Nate Wooley, Trygve Seim, Arve Henriksen, Wayne Horvitz, Jeff Kaiser and Ron Miles. There are many others, but these are on my mind recently. The non-profit work of the Willamette Jazz Society through its venue, “The Jazz Station”, is amazing to me. This is a great organization that contributes to Eugene’s creative music scene in a very real and constructive way. I’ve been contributing myself as a volunteer board member, and as the venue’s bookings and PR person.

I don’t have a set philosophy on life. I’ve found that philosophies I sit and think about or write in a journal aren’t as real as the one that I intuitively follow every day. I smile a lot. Recently I’ve been trying to smile more at people that bother me or who are contributing to some sort of confrontation. Sometimes it makes things better for them; it almost always makes things better for me. I’m moving towards focus, compassion, fearlessness, independence and co-dependence, and a general ease, a lightness in my attitude towards life.

Thanks for asking me to do the interview ~
it was interesting to see what I had to say!

CHECK OUT DOUGLAS HERE.

uphill invisible swimming ~ movement 4

today is June 3, 2023- i've decided to take some of the photos down from this movement. i fully stand behind my work, but am making an effort to better protect some of my more intimate/vulnerable intellectual and creative property. i am happy to store all images in the privacy of my personal archives- i am likely to share them in gallery settings vs. online.

~ uphill invisible swimming ~

movement 4

thanks to Samantha Marie Stevens for photographing, and to the Western Woods of Maine for hostessing. all images belong to kelly shaw willman, copyright 2010-forever.

artist's interview: STACI HINRICHS

the queen herself

belly art by Staci

May Pole Party

the boys ~ "They lived in my body."

"I used to live in this body."

"Now I live love in this one."

let the beauty we love be what we do

Born Staci Yvonne Ufford. Grew up in St. Cloud, Minnesota. I've been a tap dancer, an Avon lady, a school bus driver, an artist, a student,a professional ice skater, a waitress, an office manager, a model, a telemarketer, sold shoes, cleaned houses, counted cars, I'm a momma, a wife, a girlfriend.

I've lived in Minnesota, Arizona, Colorado, my camper, Mexico, China, Japan, Puerto Rico, Bermuda, St. Marten, and currently live in Menasha, Wisconsin.

Been married 13 years, have 2 boys ~ Max 9, Sam 7. We currently have a dog, a cat, and 26 tadpoles.

1. Mrs. Hinrichs, i am so blessed to have met you a handful of years ago while we both worked at The Red Radish Natural Foods in Neenah, Wisconsin. right off the bat, you asked me questions, laughed in my face, loved my food, and wiggled your sweet fanny all up in my business. name the top 11 reasons why you know yourself to be a fierce super-goddess.

1. my boobs
2. my belly
3. my heart
4. my creativity
5. my tears
6. my wisdom
7. my children
8. my compassion
9. my love
10. my joy
11. my life
12. my hugs
13. my laughter

2. i will never forget something you said to me. you said something along the lines of, “you know, there just came a time when i couldn’t run from my shit anymore. i was like ... 29 ... and things had to change.” i have thought of this proclamation a lot, because i feel myself going through my own comparable dealings-with. let’s talk about what changed for you at this point in your life. what came?

aaahhh ... i think it happens and happens - over and over - but at that age it was a matter of literally staying still for awhile ... i had been traveling since i was 17... it was time to stop so that i could get uncomfortable and work thru the stuff i didn't want to deal with. you know, family relationships, loneliness, who am i when i stop moving?? who am i when i stop playing the part of skater, party girl, sex object, and who am i really as a daughter, a friend, a sister, a lover. that's scary shit ~ i knew i wasn't going to like some of the things i saw in myself and that sucks ~ but, then. there i was. i saw me.

3. how old are you? how’s your house, garden, Juliet the cat, your boys, Spike? ... life in general? you diggin summer?

I'm 44 (11x4) ~ my house is falling apart and makes me not want to be a grown up. garden is looking lovely and simple this year - although the garlic is a little wimpy. Juliet (cat!) is strong and wise, my boys are so incredibly funny and smart and infuriating ~ i love them so big it hurts :) Spike ... my love, my friend, my target, my partner ~ we're still doing our thing and it amazes me every time we get thru something ugly ... but we do. and that's ... what we do. life in general is such a lovely ride ... i'm glad to have been alive long enough that i realize the fleeting nature of it all. i try to remember there's value in all of it but i often forget. ... pain is pain is pain. i think the key is to have some magical folks around to actually say it outloud when you're in it ~

"THIS IS GOOD! THIS IS TEMORARY!"

am i diggin summer? i am ~ i love not having a schedule for my kids and i ... we do better just livin as it comes ... i'm still trying to decide if formal school has value ... i waffle on this regularly.

4. so, like ... you are a bubbly, fashionable, super-hip momma. let’s talk about the importance of self-love, women friends, women healers, women creators, and all the pulls of spirit that lead us home again and again.

self-love ... still striving. i catch glimpses tho, and it is sooo lovely. women friends ~ so important to see the beauty in each other ~ we soooo need to reflect back to each other. i keep avoiding this question because i think at my age and where i am in my life, that i should have so much more to say ... i can say that in my experience women bring out the best ~ recognize the best in me, but they can also cut me to the quick more than i can stand ... women healers ... i know many and they are lovely strong women that i respect but have not spent the $ to engage them much and find myself thinking i can not give in return, but this has to do with a fear and inability to realize that i deserve this shared energy ... i deserve to receive (and give) this healing ~ i have also been thinking, tho ... that just being around beautiful women is healing ~ !!!

5. do you know you inspire me? cuz you do! ... what’s your favorite fruit? favorite thrift store find of all time? and what words of advice do you have for women coming into their own?

fruit ~ guanabana

thrift find ~ huge rose quartz ring

ooohh advice ~ what pressure ~ here’s my advice - look for love and find it! wherever it is ~ partners, children, friends, family ... wherever it is for you ... be true. don't love or give yourself to anyone out of obligation ... be true ... don't expect any ~one~ person to give it all to you ~ it's everywhere ... find it. accept it. that's all.

6. art. your art images are incredible. your body is at the center of it all. i relate to this. for you, what has your relationship with your body been like recently? what was it like in the past? is your body your best friend yet?

recently we've been bonding ... in a new way actually ... this time i'm being kind and appreciative and calm ... what a concept ... in the past ~ non-existent, volatile, abusive, sad, controlling, manipulative-ugh. HONESTLY- my body is not my best friend ... will it ever be? i don't know ... i hope so ... we have our moments ...

7. what does your happiness taste like? what does your happiness feel like? why are karaoke parties important?

yesterday it tasted like Nutella, today it tastes like watermelon ... happiness feels like your best friend is brushing your hair and you get that tingly yummy feeling in your tummy! i think happiness is not something i strive to achieve anymore ... it is something i try to remember to embrace, in the moment whenever i can. karaoke ~ expression baby! expression! we all need to let our inner Joan Baez or Joan Jett out!

8. is there a place or an event you’d especially like to experience for the sake of your own growth and inspiration? do ladybugs ever talk to you? what’s your favorite flower? who do you love?

*** event hmmmm ... no, but ~ ladybugs ~ Sammy thinks the Menasha Library smells like them! *** flower = gardenia ~ love ... love ... love ... who do i not love? ... i'm trying to love as much as i can ... i lost my way for awhile (and i will again) but my focus is back on loving ... with the help of an old friend the Dalai Lama ... he inspires me so ... i'd like to see my friend Julie deliver a baby ... i had 2 C-sections and i've got some work to do with that ...

9. what’s this new tattoo you’re working on with Bear???!!!

oh just a little something fabulous that will adorn me soonly ... i think ... you will be in there and Nick i think too (?!...)

10. if i gave you $11,111 as a gift ... you would do what with it?

fun answer- get pedicures once a month for a long time, get 3 tattoos, get horseback riding lessons for Sammy, Karate lessons for Max, fix up the basement to include a studio for ME!

11. in closing, please share with we curious readers your best advice for living a long, healthy, and very enjoyable life. i love you!

find joy, don't fight with yourself too much, live BIG, sit still, go to therapy, spend one day a week telling yourself you're a hotty even if you don't believe it at the time, sing karaoke, dance, pee outside sometimes, have friends that will pee outside with you.

artist's interview: MELANIE FARLEY

presenting Melanie Farley, poet

*** the following excerpt (on the nature of day light) is from
Melanie Farley's project, dog breath etudes

sun
etches
steel
the
idiom
the
what
- see
cracks
of
pave-
ment
a shoe
nerves
those
with
system
excuse
me,
does
that
mean we
get to
light
things
on fire?
sitting thinking surely, i could be just sounds. it's rainy and chilly and as
usual nature doesn't give a fuck about our problems. let’s say i came back a eucalyptus tree. peeling
peeling this everything is just enough. no water down the stairs no soap and they refuse to
creak the wind


blowing those curtains and a molecule that's moving some direction or

other

this window that
moves sometimes and not the brown dog that is afraid of everything
the woman selling flowers to keep looks aimless

5 things i love about ksw ~

1. something shared:

2. you are so solitary. so disciplined and so confident in your intuitions. (i guess that's three related things; i’m cheating.)

3. i remember first being struck by your optimism. remember when you looked at me, sparkled, said: "we are the revolution!"?

4. dance dance dance! i love that you love to do it and i love dancing with you!

5. i love your daydreams. they inspire me. i just saw your lighthouse covered in fog. the light shines through to where i am.

6 things ksw loves bout Melanie ~

1. i love that you believe in my lighthouse. i just daydreamed you attending an event there, and we have the best time ever. you laugh a lot and fall in love with the opening band. (insert: hot dance moves) ~ ~ ~

2. i love your sense of adventure.

3. i enjoy your willingness to try new things.

4. you are deep, like the belly of a silver whale.

5. i enjoy that you are brave about experiencing.

6. your history is slender-loud-quiet ~
it’s like a squirt gun or something else cool. (relate.)

Melanie Farley is never afraid of anything, ever. except. talking about herself and other things too. she lived in some places. did some things. so far, she doesn't have any regrets. she writes poems because she's always written them. because they calm her down. because she likes beautiful things. she lives in san francisco and just got an mfa from california college of the arts. yaaaaaa hearda, worda!

1. damn, yo. what up? it’s been a minute, but you always live on in my mind. i swear, i can feel your experiences sometimes, but perhaps that is far too presumptuous a thing to plainly admit. anyway, you’re in San Francisco. why? do you love it? is San Fran a good place for feeling sunshine? for feeling?

it has been a minute. i think of you too. and it's not presumptuous. we don't always have to speak. we get it. you know? well, i came to San Francisco under the pretense of grad school. but, really, i kind of always wanted to move out west and i visited san francisco for the first time when i was 19 and have wanted to move here ever since. yeah, i love San Francisco. it's like a little paradise-fantasy-land. i mean, really, everything is so beautiful it's almost unreal. and i've seen some of the strangest birds and plants and trees (and people for that matter!). i saw this bird that looked like a fat, middle-aged, jewish man. seriously. so, yeah, i think it's a good place for feeling. as good a place as any. i mean, i know it's cliché, but i think that probably what's going on in your mind is more important for health than the view outside your window.

2. grad school. tell me about it. where do you go? you done? this experience (for you) is like … fill-in-the-blank.

grad school. i went to California College of the Arts and i finished in may. so, i’ve got an MFA now! my experience there was mixed. it wasn't really what i expected, but i’m not sure what i expected. i did learn a lot, but not necessarily in the ways i thought i would learn. hmm. i did learn that poetry is a really difficult thing to do (for me anyway) because it requires something different from you, then, say, a research essay. sometimes, it requires you to look in dark places and i've always been a little afraid of the dark. so, i didn't want to do that. i really fought against it. so much that i thought about quitting grad school a number of times in the two years i was there--- which (to me) meant that i wanted to quit writing poetry. anyway, i’m super-emo when it comes down to it, right? haha. i didn't quit school and i probably won't quit writing poetry. but, the whole experience of putting a book together, for example, did feel almost traumatic at times. and i think i’m probably still processing---i’m not sure what it all means. but, i know that something did happen to me in those two years and it's probably a good thing that it did.

3. you have been given the gift of $11.11. what do you do with it today?

that reminds me. i’m kind of hungry. so, i'd probably get a slice of pizza at the Indian pizza place downstairs. i can't really think of what else to do with it. i guess i would just put the rest in my pocket and wait until i need it for something.

4. now it is tomorrow. you have been given the gift of $11,111. what do you do with it? 

smells like free time! i'd quit my job and pretend to be a mad scientist all day.

5. you are surely a queen of observation. radar. what does your radar tell you about poets? i mean, have you picked up on any commonalities shared by writers? ... and do you still smoke lots of ciggies? ... drink thee good beer?

hmm. not really. i mean, sort of. it's difficult to tell what commonalities exist amongst people. i’ve noticed that certain kinds of writers get together because they want to be like each other. they imitate each other. and after awhile, they're a group. they share ideologies, gestures, speech patterns etc. so, they share certain commonalities, but does that mean they share commonalities as people? i don't know. people have always grouped together like this, but the privacy of the mind is a strange thing. and yes. i still smoke too many cigarettes and i would never refuse a cold beer.

6. identity. what is it like? yours. i mean, changing? i mean, moons? i mean, what?

"i mean, what?" sounds pretty good. haha. i don't know. people like to talk about identity a lot. i don't know if i’ve ever really thought about myself in those terms. i mean. isn't identity consciousness? i think about the pros and cons of human consciousness a lot. sometimes i think i would like to be a tree or something. then, my identity could be: tree. and i could have my toes in the dirt all day long and hang out in the sun (or rain) and the wind can blow all of my leaves around. plus, if i were a tree, you could sit underneath me, and i’d shade you from the sun. so, i guess that's my identity: wanna-be tree.

7. i have a memory of chillin on top of Union Hill back in wild Wisco with you. our pal Brian had given you a joint and we were huffin and puffin. you said, "man, sometimes i think that this place (Lawrence University) is an insane asylum." do you remember this? can you elaborate on what was meant?

ha! i remembered that night on the hill right away. i remember it like it's a photograph. i remember the sky and the water and how the factory smoke always looked weirdly magical at night. as for the insane asylum thing, i still feel that way about Lawrence. everyone was kind of crazy in their own ways, and it didn't seem to matter too much, or maybe it made us feel more of a bond with each other, i’m not sure. it felt like weirdos were safe there, somehow. and even though we were weird in different ways we could still laugh and drink a beer together. it was pretty cool. i'd like to see more of that in the world.

8. would it bore you if i became a lady-monk and never drank with you again? do you still reference your sun-moon book? do you dig on some good Indian eats out west? do you have a pet? do you recall a recent daydream that made you giggle?

no way, dude. i never thought that drinking was what held our friendship together. we just like each other. we like to just sit with each other; we like to talk to each other. plus, we're master gigglers. i do still reference the sun-moon book sometimes, but i think that i’m a bit too advanced for it now. what i mean is, i need more astrology books with more information! i've been trying to learn how to draw charts and get all the angles and weird science-y stuff down. it's kind of fun, but admittedly i haven't had much time to pursue it recently. still love indian food. i live within a half a block of two different indian restaurants, lucky me! but, i don't eat Indian food as much as i would like (like e-v-e-r-y day!) because it is much more expensive here in Cali. and i don't really cook. i still miss Sai Ram. i am constantly bragging to my friends out here about what they are missing. i don't have a pet, though we do have a very fat stray cat who sleeps in our backyard most nights; he's kind of like a pet, i guess. he hangs out sometimes, lounges in the sun next to us. the daydream, i just thought of one. Paul Feyertag showed up outside my door in Exec in the middle of winter with one of those pool noodle things. do you know what i am talking about? i can't remember exactly how i responded when i saw him standing there (he didn't say anything), but i probably said something like: "what the fuck is with the pool noodle thing?" then, i invited him to sit on the couch for a little while. the whole scene just makes me laugh.

9. please name your top 11 poets and top 11 (favorite) things that bring a smile to your sweet-pretty-golden-face.

in no particular order ~

poets:

Eleni Sikelianos

Cole Swenson

Vladimir Mayakovsky

Charles Baudelaire

Kate Greenstreet

Lorine Neidecker

David Antin

Antonin Artaud

Emily Dickinson

Guillame Appolinaire

Hannah Weiner

smiles:

warm days and warm nights— especially when i get to take off my shoes and put my toes in the dirt or grass.

sitting on my roof and drinking a bottle of wine with a good friend

walking down Mission Street on a sunny day and stopping by eagle donuts for a black coffee and a sugar twist donut. the woman who works there is so friendly. we always have a nice chat.

reading on my back porch in the morning before everyone gets up.

hanging out in my clubhouse (in the backyard) rain or shine and thinking or listening to music or writing things or all of the above.

telling & hearing ghost stories.

romping around in nature or just sitting with some trees or near some water. the ocean is a kind of magic.

sitting around a fire with friends (fire is also a kind of magic). it's even better if we have instruments and can have a sing-along. i’m a big fan of the sing-along.

swinging on a swing set

home improvements— it's really fun to fix a place up. we've done a lot of painting, redecorating, gardening, and general cleanup around here and it has made a big difference.

doing something i’ve never done before. i like to have little adventures, even if they are simple, like trying a new restaurant, or going to an art opening, or an astronomy lecture, or whatever. just little things that challenge me. those things make me smile.

10. you write some rad-strange-lovely-strange poetry. talk to me about the project i just read, titled, dog breath etudes. i am very curious about Mr. Willoughby. i mean, fire and ghosts and a bath on Tuesday ... if he can figure out what day is Tuesday … what can you provide (informationally) about this project? … in the way of meaning, processes, or intentions?

well, actually, the bath on Tuesday thing is directly stolen from our friend Bryan Teoh. Bryan visited Portland when i lived there and we went around recording people saying: "note to self, Tuesday, take a bath." we thought it was hilarious. i thought it fit with Mr. Willoughby. so, i used it. overall, i don't know. maybe dog breath etudes is just sort of asking: can we have a revolution now? will you bring the guitar? can you hear me? i think it enacts questions about meaning, processes, intentions. and i think it shows a process of exploration which includes confusion, disorientation, moments of clarity and music. maybe that's how i experience the world. I’m not sure. but, the project does feel really personal and i feel weirdly protective of it. one of my classmates once said that the poems were like echolocation and maybe they kind of are. i know they are a bit strange, but maybe i’m hoping that they're not that strange, that other people can share in the kinds of feelings and movements that i try to develop.

11. what is? what do you desire, coming? as in: movements for the future are like? … is that even something we can grip, this future? … ultimate aspirations in this lifetime … what do you manifest from your heart’s dreamiest crevice?

well, you've got me a bit stumped. i guess i’m a little lost, but i think being lost is okay and maybe necessary sometimes. so, i’m going to let someone else speak. maybe that will shed some light on that dusty crevice you refer to. i've been re-reading Nietzsche's 'On the Genealogy of Morals.' so, i'll share a bit from Nietzsche's preface: "We are unknown to ourselves, we men of knowledge--and with good reason. We have never sought ourselves--how could it happen that we should ever find ourselves? ...Our treasure is where the beehives of our knowledge are. We are constantly making for them, being by nature winged creatures and honey-gatherers of the spirit; there is one thing alone we really care about from the heart--'bringing something home.' Whatever else there is in life, so-called 'experiences'---which of us have sufficient earnestness for them? Or sufficient time? Present experience, has, I am afraid, always found us 'absent-minded': we cannot give our hearts to it--not even our ears! Rather, as one divinely preoccupied and immersed in himself in whose ear the bell has just boomed with all its strength the twelve beats of noon suddenly starts up and asks himself: 'What really was that which just struck?' So we sometimes rub our ears afterward and ask, utterly surprised and disconcerted, 'what really was that which we have just experienced?' And moreover: 'Who are we really?' And, afterward as aforesaid, count the twelve trembling bell-strokes of our experience, our life, our being--- and alas! Miscount them. So, we are necessarily strangers to ourselves... we are not 'men of knowledge' with respect to ourselves" (15).

and later, Nietzsche tells us about how he came to believe the ideas that he develops in the book. he writes that his ideas were not "...isolated, capricious, or sporadic things, but [they came] from a common root, from a fundamental will of knowledge, pointing imperiously into the depths, speaking more and more precisely, demanding greater and greater precision. For this alone is fitting for a philosopher. We have no right to isolated acts of any kind: we may not make isolated errors or hit upon isolated truths. Rather do our ideas, our values, our yeas and nays, our ifs and buts, grow out of us with the necessity with which a tree bears fruit---related and each with an affinity to each, and evidence of one will, one health, one soil, one sun---whether you like them, these fruits of ours?---but what is that to the trees! What is that to us, to us philosophers!" (16).

so, i hope that tells you something. i’ve been ruminating on this question for a long time and for some reason i felt like these passages start to answer it for me. in any case, they are beautifully written, i think. so, at least you can enjoy them now too.