artist's interview: CLAUDIA BAETHGEN!

a note from kelly: so, i'm totally chilling in my purple panties and blue sweater. my sweet bunny is behind me and she just sneezed like a llama. we've gotten about 16 solid hours of snow here in Maine, which cushions my apple cider party. anyway, i tell you ~ ~ ~ i've been thinking a lot about my friend, Msss. Claudia, who is one of the most unique fawns i've had the pleasure of swimming with. Claudia would no doubt fare well in this quiet snow. may you enjoy the insights posted below from this up-and-coming fashion-queen. xo.

kelly ~ where were you born and raised? at what point did you move to the U.S. and for what reasons? does NYC suit you at this present point in your life? do you think you'll stay awhile?

Claudia ~ I was born in Florence, Alabama, but raised in Uruguay. I moved to the U.S. when I was about 15 years old with my mother and sister and dogs. There was an economic crisis at the time ~ my mother lost her job and the home wasn't happy. We were in Virginia first, then New Jersey. Now I'm in Brooklyn living like a teenager, and in Manhattan working like an adult. I really like living here because I have fun even when I'm bored and because I'm super ambitious. I think I will stay here for a really long time ~ I decided that I won't leave until I truly have the desire to live somewhere else. I don't want to allow myself to run away.

kelly ~ so, it is my opinion that you are one of the most innately sweet, caring, beautiful, gentle, and child-like creatures of our time. would you please provide 11 words that lend insight into your identity?

Claudia ~ I am: ghost, dance, smoke, a stray, a person, loyal, resilient, silent, improving, excited, learning ~ ~ ~

kelly ~ do you have some favorite animals? do you have a favorite place to retreat to? do you enjoy the ocean? what is your favorite food?

Claudia ~ My favorite animals are the ones with hair ~ right now I'm especially preferring canines. My favorite place to retreat to is my bedroom, though it's rare for me to retreat. The ocean is beautiful, but I prefer meadows and mountains. My favorite food is cookies ~ especially ones with chocolate. 

kelly ~ i know that you've studied clothing design, but recently, you opted not to return to school. i think this is an incredible choice. talk to me about the reasons why.

Claudia ~ My first year of college was very intense. I was in Italy and all the professors were really great. I developed lots of new skills and I made beautiful friends. When I came back to New York it was different. I felt like I wasn't really learning any new skills, but just practicing ... and things were repeating over and over. I thought I'd rather practice through the real thing, and once I started interning, I realized that it worked much better for me. The first week of my sixth semester I was sitting in class listening to all the professors go through the syllabus ... and I just knew it was time, so I dropped most of my classes ... and then once the semester was over I didn't go back. That is the short story. 

kelly ~ you've got a rad gig right now in the fashion world. tell the peeps what you're doing, learning, and working towards.

Claudia ~ I'm working for a designer called Gary Graham. It's really fun and challenging at the same time, and my coworkers are so nice, creative, patient and smart. I'm learning so much! ... but one of my favorite things is trying to figure out the best way to work successfully with brains and personalities that are so different from mine ... My plans are secret, or at least I only share them with close ones.

kelly ~ why fashion?

Claudia ~ As a kid I had a very long period of unhappiness, maybe about six years. One day, I decided I couldn't be like that anymore, and I started working 

kelly ~ you are given the gift of $11,111. what do you do?

Claudia ~ I would pay my student loans ~ it's a boring answer, I know.

kelly ~ Claudia, i'd love to know what your ultimate happiness looks like. what are you doing or not doing? who is there? where you at?

Claudia ~ When I imagine ultimate happiness, I see myself as an old woman sitting on my porch ... finally getting some rest, being really satisfied with the things I have accomplished and the person I have become ... I am surrounded by flowers, there's also an old man, an old dog, an old cat, and old friends. I think that achieving happiness will take a lot of time and wisdom.

kelly ~ you are given a golden key. it is small, fits into your palm snugly. you are then lead to a big wooden boat that will sail across an ocean made of lavender and turquoise waves. what happens? tell me more!

Claudia ~ I try the key in every key hole in the boat, but it doesn't open anything! So I move to the front of the boat and I wish really hard that it will go faster, but then I think ... that the boat is probably going at just the right speed, so I begin wandering around. There are lots of people dressed in every color. I think I'm invisible, so I stare at one of them for a really long time because he has the biggest hair in the world. He is very confused, so he tries to do some small talk, but I don't like that ... so I just turn around. He is angry and throws me off the boat. ... I begin to swim ... until my feet touch the ground ~ then I begin to walk. I can see a door! It has a keyhole! I run super-fast and I trip and fall right in front of the door. I jump up and stick the key in the key hole. To my surprise it fits! To my even bigger surprise, the door was already unlocked. On the other side is a giant mirror. I laugh and then I fall asleep. 

kelly ~ as someone who has come and gone and will come again to NYC, i admire your willingness to stay-on for years to find your way. what do you love, like, and dislike about NYC?

Claudia ~ I like the abundance of everything there is! I feel like a kid in Disney world. What I dislike is how hard it is to feel "peace" here ~ It's a mental challenge, but then I think about it, and those two things are probably the same thing ... and I like the challenge. So, I guess in a way I even like the things I dislike about this place. I love that I can feel this city leading me to great things ... I can feel that something I want is here.

kelly ~ what are some of your hopes + goals for this new year? what transformations are you embarking upon? 

Claudia ~ The answer to this question is only for you ~ I feel nervous about strangers seeing it, not that it would matter to them. 

lovely reminder ~

baby cougar learning protection, vocal-prowess

foto: Jana Zagari

Kelly Shaw January 15 at 8:48am ~ ~ ~

i heart you, because you're so awesome ~ happy new year ~ and happy year of the HARE! ♥ ~ woman, i feel compelled to hear reminders from you about why living in isolation is brave. i mean, i get it, but rub my back a bit? ♥ xooooooooo ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Staci Hinrichs January 15 at 11:29am ~ ~ ~

oh my pretty sister ... who has the courage to rub up against themselves everyday? not many ... i know i spend much time avoiding such encounters with my feelings. you will sit in your skin so wisely in the future having felt and faced yourself like you are now ... find the love, baby ... find the peace so you can access it whenever you need it ~ forever and ever

Kelly Shaw January 15 at 11:48am ~ ~ ~

♥ ~ ~ thank you ~ ~ ♥

artist's interview: ERIK SCHOSTER

^ ^ ^ introducing brilliant sound artist, Erik Schoster ~
i met Erik in the late fall of 2001 when we were both
freshman at Lawrence University in Wisco.
one my favorite first memories of spending time with
Schoster included an evening stroll with a dictaphone ~
we captured the sounds of giggles, matches lighting,
and chats about squirrels, trees, and Gawd.
i have always been fascinated with Erik's sounds and
am endlessly grateful for the new music he
introduced me to at a time when my mind was most fresh.

for more about Erik, check out his site:
http://www.hecanjog.com

for a collaboration we created together, check out:
^ this link ^

1. kelly: wisconsin to new york to san francisco to wisconsin … not to mention the tours you’ve launched. talk to me about places ~ these places you’ve inhabited, pit-stopped, and toured. is place important? are seahorses important?

erik: Madison, Wisconsin is important to me, and Saint Paul, Minnesota. Those are the places that have paved the most roads in my mind with experiences. I think I construct my understanding of place by relating to the people I meet. I hate to pick on Ohio, but it gets a lot of hate from natives and outsiders alike it seems. Ohio has a warm spot in my mind because of the 30-odd hours I was able to spend with Jeremy Bible - an incredibly warm and inspiring person. The show was a minor disaster and I don't remember a whole lot about the city itself, but the experience of place for me was mediated positively by hanging a bit at Experimedia headquarters and dorking out about records with Jeremy. I'm not sure I ever really get homesick when I travel - it's exhilarating to travel and see more of the things that there are to see in the world - but I definitely miss the people, and that can be very a palpable sting.

2. kelly: i sense some genuine excitement about your current studio space in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. what’s the set-up like? are you feeling newly inspired? have you reconnected with collaborators out that way?

erik: Having a work space outside of my bedroom has been a totally fresh and eye-opening experience. It's hard to say what exactly is so wonderful. I'm a private person, so it's great to have a fortress of solitude where I can work without interruptions (let's forget about twitter for a moment) and lose myself in a project at will. There's a vibrant community of artists and musicians on my floor as well though, who I'm happy to have gotten a chance to get to know a little better. We all mostly stay tucked away working on our various projects, but we have occasional film screenings in the common space. I've worked a little bit with Jason Nanna (who runs the Shampoo Horn with two other people) on setting up a studio file server for network-based collaborative projects, and generally we all manage to run into other another enough to make the space feel very much like a community. So it's nice to have a lot of square feet to comfortably house my (small, but growing) personal orchestra of doohickeys and sound makers - and the big old window I can look through in the summer quieted my mind after a rough few months in a basement apartment in SF - but the nicest thing is walking down the hall and seeing that new painting someone hung recently, or the tile mosaic project being constructed in the bathroom, and all of the other nice symptoms of the little community here.

3. kelly: Schoster, i mean not to be the presumptuous molasses-panther here, but like, i do sorta think we both had a suuuuuuuuuuuppppppppeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr weird time with Lawrence University. true for you? why or why not? were you creatively impacted by this experience?

erik: It was true for me too. I have a hard time reflecting objectively on that, even now. I'll just say that while I managed some spectacular failures during those years, I'm grateful for what they taught me. And mostly grateful for the folks - like you, Kel! - I met there. You can sell that to Hallmark if you want.

4. kelly: talk to me about your recent return to Lawrence University. you and Bryan Teoh, creative buddy, were invited back to do some electronic music stuffs. what was that like? what did y’all do? i mean, you posted something online about being welcomed back as a Conservatory of Music drop-out ~ as a fellow Conversatory drop-out myself, i’m curious bout your experiences in the recent-now with that place.

erik: Bryan and I played in the theatre at the new student center, which was the weirdest part of the experience. In two ways: it was already strange being in a familiar place filled with strangers, but the new building made the whole thing even stranger. It's a nice space though, and the theatre sound system goes to 11.

5. kelly: you’ve got lots going on!! there are soooooooo many recording projects (then, now) + websites, albums and albums and albums and tapes … talk to me first about luvsound, and if you would, give some time also to your recent accomplishments ~ i’m thinking middlemarch and the wolf-y tapes. any other info is welcome, por supuesto.

erik: The news with luvsound right now is that my friend Brendan Landis is coming aboard to run the ongoing but sorely neglected singles series and to generally help me run the label. We're both web developers and improvisors, so the combination is pretty natural - working on a netlabel website that releases a lot of improvised music together has come pretty easy so far I think! We're in the middle of a big web overhaul right now. I'm just stoked to be able to bounce ideas off of someone and not have to feel so much like a dictator with luvsound. I'm looking for more ways to relinquish creative control with that project - and to some extent in my work as a computer musician as well - because that's always been a productive thing for me to do. It's why I love playing in a band, and with other people as well. I'd rather be challenged in what I do than skip along merrily in the same way indefinitely.

6. kelly: what is your favorite dinner? what is your favorite candy? what does your hair look like today? … and do you believe in miracles?

erik: Oh dinner ~ so easy for me to answer this right now. I've totally fallen in love with my weird health-food efficiency meal-of-choice recently. In an effort to avoid dying of a heart attack at 30, for the last two years I've been working very hard on some areas of my health I'd been neglecting. So, during 2009 I spent several months recording meticulously every thing I ate, recording the nutritional information, and slowly adjusting it all to get me ingesting something decent while facilitating my incredible laziness for food preparation. Speaking of miracles - in November of 2009 my sister introduced me to the miracle that is quinoa. NASA is considering it for use in space colonies because of its health benefits. For vegetarians, it's a crazy source of protein and other good stuff, and for lazy assholes like myself: you can microwave it. Really! I know, gross right? Not even a little bit. So here's my quinoa salad favorite dinner could-eat-for-any-meal recipe.

Two or three cups of cooked quinoa.

~2 tbps tahini.

Dollop of hummus to taste.

Handful of raw shredded kale.

Optional can of tuna for extra bonus protein.

Mix it all up, eat it all up, and throw an apple or two on the side and there you go!

My candy is popcorn these days. My hair is in need of a cut, and I believe in quinoa.

7. kelly: i’ve known you to explore interests over the years in Buddhism, Icelandic sounds, tea, poetry, and dinosaurs. okay, dinos is a stretch, but perhaps you’ll humor us with words bout the others.

erik: Those have been interests! Iceland is still a dream - I'd love to visit some day - and while I think the way I practice listening now has taken the place Buddhism had for me growing up and in college a bit, it's a tradition I'd like to spend more time with.

8. kelly: influence. i recently checked out a powerpoint-style show you’d prepared about those who have influenced or inspired your creative jam. i realize you could go on for days about this, but uh, maybe you could give us a narrowed down overview.

erik: This is hard! Since the presentation mentioned some people that have inspired me as in improvisor, maybe I'll point to a few towering figures in my development as a composer: John Cage and Bernhard Guenter. If I don't stop there, I never will ...

9. kelly: do you like grass? trees? the ocean? what do you think of "settling down?" i mean, do you suppose you will anchor yourself in one location ever?

erik: I've thought I knew what the future had in store for me before - before I left NYC for example, I never expected to live anywhere but NYC for the rest of my life - but we'll see what happens. I doubt I'll stop traveling unless I'm no longer physically able, but I may stop moving my home around so much one of these years ...

10. kelly: it would be delightful for you to provide eleven words that describe you, Erik Schoster, a most peculiar being who is no doubt a polar bear + turtle + pond + enigmatic seed ~ ~ ~ + what else? ooooh, and i’d like to know what advice you’ve got for the kiddies. lay it on.

erik: For composers? I'll just echo something Clarence Barlow said, because I think he got it right: read books on aesthetics and acoustics, and learn to program. For anyone? Fail. Fail often. As much as possible. How about eleven numbers I find beautiful for no particular reason, but tend to gravitate toward in my work?

... 11, 5, 3, 7, 6, 2, 110. Oops, that's it I guess. Maybe 8. Maybe.

11. kelly: if i gave you $111,111, what would you do? wooooooo, peach pie!

erik: Pay my Dad's medical bills and send the rest to the Julian Assange Defense Fund if there was anything left ...

kelly: word up, my friend. love u so.

on anger ~

"There are so many other non-self elements that you can touch and recognize within yourself ~ your ancestors, the earth, the sun, water, air, all the food you eat, and much more. It may seem like these things are separate from you, but without them, you could not live."

"To grow the tree of enlightenment, we must make good use of our afflictions, our suffering. It is like growing lotus flowers; we cannot grow a lotus on marble. We cannot grow a lotus without mud."

"Practitioners of meditation do not discriminate against or reject their internal formations. We do not transform ourselves into a battlefield, good fighting evil. We treat our afflictions, our anger, our jealousy with a lot of tenderness."

"From time to time we have to make a decision, and sometimes the decision is very difficult. We are forced to make a painful choice. But if we know what is most important to us, what we most deeply want for our life, the decision-making will become easier, and we won't have to suffer a lot."

"Writing a book on yourself is a way of looking deeply to recognize the roots of your suffering and find ways to transform them. It will help you become a free and happy person, able to make others around you happy also."

~ all excerpts from ~ ANGER ~ by: Thich Nhat Hahn

uphill invisible swimming ~ movement 7

"uphill invisible swimming" is a performance art project that takes place in various Maine locations. the images above (movement 7) are self-portraits.

uphill invisible swimming ~ movement 6

uphill invisible swimming consists of self-portraiture taken in mid-October of 2010 in Norway, Maine, on an acreage established in 1814. 

copyright 2010-forever, 
kelly shaw willman.

uphill invisible swimming ~ movement 5

today is June 3, 2023- i've decided to take some of the photos down from this movement. i fully stand behind my work, but am making an effort to better protect some of my more intimate/vulnerable intellectual and creative property. i am happy to store all images in the privacy of my personal archives- i am likely to share them in gallery settings vs. online. 

these photographs are part of a performance project titled,
uphill invisible swimming.
this project will contain a total of 8 movements.
(what you see here is movement 5)

these fotos = KELLY SHAW WILLMAN,
COPYRIGHT 2010-forever.

(fotos taken by Samantha Marie)

xo,   * ksw * *

new art: Nicky Endres!!

say hello to my Nicky!!

Nicky Endres surprised me this morning
with a portrait!!
They have created
many
many
many
images for me over the years!!