everything ... practically.

please note that this article contains nudity. please also note that this article is long-winded. please lastly note that this article became a sorta manifesta written by me to me. if there are angles that prove helpful to you, too cool. (basically, i pep talked myself back into being me.) 

~ xoxxx, la artista, kelly shaw willman ~

foto: Statia Grossman

"$elf-portz" #14 *feelings*

it's sorta funny. i set out to write these epic, organized blog articles sometimes, but really, it's that this one wants to be an exercise in flow ~ in sharing a diary-like, inner-world-on-display-sorta-reflection that honestly speaks to what i've been experiencing these last few months. ... and i've decided to approach it by trusting that all the things i've been observing + considering will find their way out, cuz abiding by bullet-note prompts doesn't feel like the thing right now.

so, here i go ... about ... everything, practically *

1. i've been thinking a lot about a time in the past (Maine, United States, 2012-ish) in which i was first coaxed by Spirit to make nude performance art. for me, *coaxed by Spirit* means that a force and feeling (greater than me) asked that i channel healing though expression, that i fuse (conceptually) sweetness with dirt. 

i do not believe this remembering is an accident. on the contrary, it's incredibly timely and filled with symbolism, a message. as a being who lives a spiritual, eclectic (artist's) life, signs/dreams/words unspoken all guide me as i need to be guided ~ i believe in this sorta thing, have experienced it since childhood, and am incessantly deepening my connection to an understanding of it all ~ visions and intuition playing a foundational part. reviewing images of this (first-time) nude art reminds me that i, in spite of having a considerably introverted and highly empathic personality, put it all out there (in my own way) when it comes to my artistry. 

"grunge*quest" ~ movement 1 (foto: Janna Zagari)

i decided a long time ago that my own personal journey would be on display through the medium of performance art ~ that my stories, my progress, my setbacks, my ritualizing, my changeable aura ... would be made a public offering intended to bring an experience to viewers, evoking conversations that i participate in by making more art, and honoring along the way aesthetics i am loyal to: the genre of experimental art, DIY/Lo-fi stylings, and the creative underground.

i know that i was coaxed to make this nude art in the past to begin healing some raw personal trauma ... and i am coaxed to review this art now, because it reminds me that i did not question making it ~

* i got naked.
* i was brave. 
* and i endured harassing emails about said work, but kept the art public nonetheless. 

what about re-empowering all of this fierceness once again? 

what about going more deeply with my *divine masculine?* ... which to me means standing consistently in my confidence, not giving two hoots what anybody's gotta say about me, my work. ... what up, machete-yielding warriorrrr?!!

"uphill invisible swimming" ~ movement 4

"uphill invisible swimming" ~ movement 5

"uphill invisible swimming" ~ movement 5

"uphill invisible swimming" ~ movement 4

i've been experiencing a pretty transformational phase the last 2-4 months of my life. to expand upon this proclamation means admitting i've been generally overwhelmed, depressed, nervous in my belly, i've allowed my plate to be too full, but quite interestingly, my life also sparkles brilliantly. my near future is forming in a way i wholly adore. i have incredible friendships still and always. i live in Costa Rica. i am INSPIRED, and i KNOW that i'm aligning with my deeper purpose, my niche, my money-making.

2. let's remain on the topic of art for now. i've also been thinking *a lot* about a video from a favorite artist, BUNNY MICHAEL ~ SEE BELOW. i highly encourage you to watch the whole thing. her ideas in the beginning about being perceived through the lenses of egotism, narcissism, and delusion (by family, for example) have been coming up for me recently ... while there are brilliant reminders throughout this vid's entirety, the end also provides a gorgeous highlight ~ (skip thru if you must.) ... "dear artist, we need you. when you are living free, we feel like we can too." 

i needed to hear this ~ to be reminded that i am enough, to be reminded that in spite of coming from a place (with systems, conditioning) that does not readily understand or support artists, that keeps women down, i must keep forging the path for myself, for us. ... i have always known that i can do it, that i will make it in my own way, that my goals are worth pursuing ... and in living out these beliefs, believing that there is value in my expressions ... well, it doesn't mean that i am some gloating invaluable crazy person with too much self-interest.

3. so the moral of the story thus far? be fiercely true to you, to your unique vision. push boundaries if pushing boundaries pleases you. my art speaks to my own path/experience, but i also understand now its greater intention to uplift the divine feminine, to heal past generations of women, and to do so through a distinct kelly-lens that empowers my own sexuality, my own feminism, my own participation in the community of sisterhood. ... there is def a:

"Brooklyn-meets-jungle-priestess-but-i-was-
raised-on-a-farm-vibe" 

a lil 
"hiphop-sassy-stripper-girl-juju" 
sometimes 

... and i'm coming to realize i neither need nor hope anymore that my aesthetic will resonate with everyone ~ (this is my divine masculine at play!!) ... this is also a new understanding that allows me to thrive without tip-toeing around imagined (or real) concerns coming from thee outside (looking in.) 

... i will expand upon all this in a separate/focused article, but one more point i will make here is that i observe and experience the objectification of women ~ a huge topic. i've been challenged to consider recently that in expressing myself in a sexy style sometimes that i am coazing a dif convo about it all ... it's NOT about women being perceived as objects for men's viewing or fantasy or pleasure. for me, what is at play in my personal expressions, is self-love and reclamation, no matter how bootylicious a performance image or vid may be. 

in Eve Ensler's "Vagina Monologues," one particular story speaks to a woman wearing a short skirt, and that it doesn't mean (there are dozens of examples provided) that she is inviting cat calls or mistreatment of any variety by baring legs. ... i am creating a safe ART space to express myself as i please ~ as a sacred entity with depth, depth!! ... how does my creative message bring this depth to the forefront (or maybe sometimes just the periphery) whilst being real, sexy, tearful, vulnerable, human ... anything i need to be; i explore this all.

foto: Statia Grossman

foto: Statia Grossman

"uphill invisible swimming" ~ movement 6 (embellished)

SOME MISC. CLOSING TIDBITS: my dear spiritual mentor, Reverend Saundra Porter Thomas, reminds me, "building your empire takes a team. your queendom needs support." again, ask. don't beat yourself up for needing help. financial backing is brilliant, so is excellent mentorship ~ pursue it, and maintain open communications throughout.

* keep yourself "in the know" about grants, residences, and opportunities to submit your work. you deserve the next, next, and next levels of your business/artistry. keep putting yourself out there. 

"$elf-portz" #16 *roses rise, promise*

in closing, i've discovered also that there is nothing wrong with honoring my need to be alone a lot. with plenty of privacy and quietude, i feel the most balanced, the most safe, the most productive. when i do then decide to be a part of activities in the world, i am likely at my best. i notice an imbalance in myself when i've gone through brief "party girl" phases in my past, or when i try to have a "full calendar" vs. honoring the need to focus on myself.

Oshun Altar in Brooklyn by Marissa Arterberry

foto: Dawn Dawnalicious

xoxxo ~ kelly shaw willman

$elf-portz

$elf-portz is

a vi$ual project by la artista, 

kelly shaw willman, copyright 2016-forever. 

this project consists of 111 images.

aesthetic // concepts: DIY, lofi, webcam, love thyself, 
self-love, self-study, visual spells, trace thee journey, Availabism.

locations: Costa Rica's Pacific & Caribbean Coasts, Nicaragua, Panama, NYC, Guatemala, Rhode Island, Iowa, space

** this project began on sept. 21, 2016,
& was completed on august 19, 2018. **

#1 *star-child, alien-life*

#2 *sangre*

#3 *boca del oro as TV-still*

#4 *novia*

#5 *nom*

#6 *la cocina, domingo*

#7 *4 arhia, prie$tess*

#8 *en route* 

#9 *Changuinola, Panama*

#10 *me*

#11 *la lluvia*

#12 *u can't shame me, gracias*

#13 *bad habit burial*

#14 *feelings*

#15 *alone-time*

#16 *roses rise, promise*

#17 *dandelion*

#18 *tears come after*

#19 *stainz*

#20 *within reach*

#21 *pixelated pardoning*

#22 *alien-alien*

#23 *floral studies*

#24 *not medicina*

#25 *this was*

#26 *softer*

#27 *Badu*

#28 *all that i don't $ay* 

#29 *no more lies* 

#30 *seashells* 

#31 *fuego y miel* 

#32 *el "caballero" y la alien en azul* 

#33 *when i cried 4 u in Brooklyn*

#34 *red wallz, Brooklyn*

#35 *eleven*

#36 *find*

#37 *re-born*

#38 *los sapos*

#39 *la finca, la luz*

#40 *estoy aprendiendo* 

#41 *rootz & rising*

#42 *foundation*

#43 *upstairz*

#44 *clarity coming*

#45 *crystalline ki$$e$*

#46 *la navegación*

#47 *what he said during sex that nite*

#48 *4 the morphos*

#49 *don't break down mi puerta*

#50 *el espejo arriba*

#51 *un poco más* 

#52 *gra$$hopperz*

#53 *co$mic booty*

#54 *aquí estoy*

#55 *ghostface*

#56 *neon y citrus*

#57 *$elf as neon river*

#58 *Domingo con los ángeles* 

#59 *the re-set* 

#60 *heart-blur*

#61 *for mis reina$* 

#62 *reclamation, mofo$* 

#63 *up$wing*

#64 *don't forget the lioness* 

#65 *alien in $carf*

#66 *mad but managing*

#67 *completed conversation$*

#68 *boa*

#69 *Guatemala*

#70 *los búhos*

#71 *knowing it, $olid*

#72 *4 las abejas*

#73 *hand$ on heart*

#74 *peace-bubble, trying*

#75 *pony*

#76 *otra (otra) vez*

#77 *la araña*

#78 *pink love-juice*

#79 *sunny*

#80 *no more ghosts*

#81 *#35*

#82 *pomegranate*

#83 *book$, actually*

#84 *nighty all day*

#85 *near death*

#86 *broken down*

#87 *no puedo pensar*

#88 *bb armadillos*

#89 *that was weird*

#90 *self as starfish*

#91 *no puedes*

#92 *i don't call u 2 cry*

#93 *$upreme cupcake*

#94 *i am a film*

#95 *red waist, not broken*

#96 *regalitos 4 me only now*

#97 *haunche$*

#98 *Nicaraguan hideout*

#99 *cancerian werk*

#100 *recently blood-cried*

#101 *nala-eyes, he said*

#102 *red river, Chinatown*

#103 *bruja with burn, a little rest*

#104 *peaches  & cream*

#105 *inquisitive bitch face*

#106 *a girl & her bee, featuring: cosmic scarification*

#107 *honeybee vi$its Rhode Island*

#108 *no thigh gap here // who's your mami now?*

#109 *honey-curvature, un momentito*

#110 *soft storm, cord-cutting*

#111 *Iowa, basement, 8%*